Grace - the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God

We all have things we long to control. Work, education, sports, relationships, food, the way you are perceived, family, friends...the list can go on forever. The irony of control is when you place so much importance on one thing, even the slightest mess-up feels like complete failure. You start out ideally trying to make something better by controlling it and you end up becoming obsessive and way too critical. I am the queen of control. As a PA (or RA for you non-Taylor people), I thrived at floor events where I was in control of planning every little detail. At the same time, I was usually miserable as I worried about every detail I had planned working out perfectly. I would drive myself nuts trying to please everyone else.


I clearly remember one event I planned during my junior year...our messy pick a date. We had a  beautiful day and my copa and I had a great day planned. I had put so much time into planning all of the details in an attempt to really enjoy the day. The pick a date had gone without a hitch so far and it seemed that everyone was really enjoying themsleves. We got to our last event of the day, 3-legged kickball (so much fun). The concept is identical to normal kickball, except that one of your legs is tied to your date's leg. You then have to kick together, run together, and field the ball together. Imagine one person diving to field a ball forgetting they're attached to someone...the other person wipes out. Anyways, as we were playing, I stopped and worriedly exclaimed that I hadn't explained the rules of the game. As I was about to stop the game, my date kindly stopped me and told me to relax and just let people play. He gently reminded me that people would probably grasp the game without me explaining it. (Let me remind you the game had already begun so they were obviously getting the hang of it.)  Why did I feel the overwhelming need to explain the game...because I was worried if anything went wrong, it would be my fault and I would get blamed. I was worried I wasn't going to please everyone so I tried to control the situation.


Control often comes back to pride. There is definitely a need for control in situations. Without people taking control of situations, parties and events wouldn't happen. But the difference between being in control and controlling the situation comes down to pride. My pride often makes me strive for perfection, not for God and not for others, but for my own selfish satisfaction. I strive to control things because I don't want to come up wanting or unsatisfactory. I control things out of a desire to please others and ultimately to please myself.


This topic of control has been a pressing one for me lately. Germany has been a challenge for me in some ways, because there are certain areas of my life that I am used to controlling that are difficult to control in a foreign country. Every day is another day for me to say, "I give this area of my day to you God." It's not easy to let go of things when you have been trained to control them. One of the neat things about God is that He is our helper. I have seen God giving me so many little bits of help in this area of control by placing me in a situation where I am really forced to give up control. "Why is he doing that?" I often ask. I believe God is trying to teach me to let go of my control so that I can cling to Christ, not to my desire for control. I believe He is teaching me I need Him more than I need perfection. I believe He is trying to open my eyes to the knowledge that when God sees me he does not see me as wanting but as a fallen child saved by grace. I thank God that He is helping me to let go of chains that are holding me down so I can experience the grace and freedom of Christ.


I don't know what controls you but I do know that God is bigger than our control.  As we sang in church this morning,


My chains are gone, I've been set free.
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace.


Rest in God's grace and step into a beautiful journey with God by allowing Him to take hold of the chains that hold you down.